(Part Three of ‘A Pansy Speaks’, originally published in Boys Today! magazine, January 2038.)
Part Three: Facing the world
By Daniel Maybright
Wearing pansy at home is one thing. For a boy to go out in public wearing a flouncy dress is another, and it’s not easy! It’s true people should be used to it by now but lots of them are not. We all know dress-wearing boys, whether pansy or not, who have been ridiculed or threatened in the street.
When girls started wearing masculine clothing in the 20th century that was mostly accepted, because the girls were being empowered. When boys dress in ‘girls’’ things they are, let’s face it, being dis-empowered. The hardest thing for a boy who’s wearing dresses for the first time is to overcome his own embarrassment. All boys know that the only reason we’re wearing dresses now is because girls have crushed us in the sex war. Plus we’ve been fed macho rubbish for hundreds of years and it doesn’t go away overnight.
I love dresses and I wouldn’t give them up for anything. So here is my advice for boys who are starting out. This is not just for pansies. It’s for every newboy too.
Having a girl’s protection gives you confidence.
The first thing is that newboy is not a minority. About 50 per cent of boys in Western countries own a dress these days, though many are shy about wearing them in public. Boys across the world are discovering newboy and the number choosing to wear skirts instead of trousers is constantly rising. So you’re not weird! It’s slowly becoming normal.
Right now, however, the reality is that even after two years I still get anxious when I go out in pansy. My first time, I tried stepping out the front door and found I’d forgotten how to breathe. Once you’ve managed to get through the door, you do get reactions like double-takes, stares, whispering or giggles. Nobody thinks you are a girl, because no girl wears anything resembling pansy these days.
The attention from girls can be intimidating. Some of them wolf-whistle, and the more triumphalist ones will jeer at a boy in a dress. I once had a couple of girls come up to me and demand a kiss; they were very pushy and wouldn’t leave until they’d each had a peck on the cheek. On the whole, though, girls are chivalrous and appreciate the effort you’ve made to look pretty. Wearing newboy declares that you accept you’ve lost the sex war, and most girls know it’s not big or clever to kick someone who’s down.
The real problems come from other boys – trad boys. You know the catcalls: you’re “a disgrace”, “letting the side down,” “a homo,” “sucking up to feminazis” or other such rubbish. There they’ll be in the shopping centre with their bumfluff tashes and scruffy jeans, shouting nasty things, and I’m just like, “this is what boys wear now, you moron. What century do you think you’re living in?” The stupid thing is, at home their mother’s the breadwinner and their father’s doing the housework. Their idea of masculinity has been smashed and they can’t see it. But they are the worst because they will sometimes come up and push you or even hit you, especially a pansy. All you can do when that happens is wait until they go away, which they soon will if you start blubbing. It makes me cross when boys are aggressive towards pansies, because a pansy is shy and flouncy and sweet and it’s unfair to pick on us. I think that boys should support each other instead of being divided by a lost cause.
I’ve also heard stories about newboys being harangued by Men Matter types about ‘surrendering to the female yoke’ and so on, but those men are more despairing than violent.
I would like to emphasise that it’s really not too scary out there, because you know what? Most people don’t care. They know boys are changing, so it’s no big deal! When I started going around in pansy, meeting family, going to movies, and so on, I found that people were much more accepting than you’d think. Discovering that is great for your confidence. Some people just want to chat, and they’ll ask you why you’re dressed ‘like a girl’, and you can explain why you like it. One old man told me in Asda that he was incredibly envious of boys these days because he’d always wanted to ‘crossdress’, as he called it, and hadn’t been allowed to. That was sweet.
Pansies have a harder time, so here are a few tips for pansies in particular to make going public easier.
The first is to do pansy properly. Pansy isn’t just about putting on a dress. If you’re developing hair in visible places then you have to shave. Be fresh and clean. Tidy your hair and put a nice ribbon in it. Don’t wear a lovely petticoat dress with a pair of old scruffy trainers – get some pretty shoes. Look after your clothes and don’t get them dirty. Smile! If you feel good about yourself, it will show.
The next thing is simply to expect that you will get attention, both good and bad. Some people will jeer or laugh, others will fawn over you and want to take you home with them. If you do get negative reactions, don’t act on it, don’t take it to heart… ignore it. You’ll probably never see that person again, so who cares?
It helps to go out with company the first few times. It doesn’t have to be with other pansies. It could be with trad boy friends, girl friends, it doesn’t really matter who, so long as they support you. The best thing is to go out with girls, because if those trad boys in the shopping centre shout at you when you’re with an alpha girl, they will get their balls broken, period. Having a girl’s protection gives you confidence.
Confidence is very important when you’re on your own. If you look frightened or ashamed then you’re an easy target. That doesn’t mean you must swagger or try to look tough. It means you must get on with your life, safe in the knowledge that you’re perfectly normal even if some dinosaurs don’t know that yet.
In the final part, Daniel will be speculating about lies in the future for boys…